E95 - Hope’s Harbor Gritty Bible Devotions - Depression

Hope’s Harbor

Gritty Bible Devotions

Episode #95

I’m recording this episode based on my experience with suicidal depression and is titled accordingly: Depression

Date: February 27, 2023

Contact: info@hopesharbor.net

Key verse(s): Proverbs 12:25 – ‘Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression, But a good word makes it glad.’

In this verse, anxiety comes from either one of, or all these: fear, heaviness, sorrow, and from taking too much thought about circumstances or experiences..

2 Corinthians 1:8 – ‘For we do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, of our trouble which came to us in Asia: that we were burdened beyond measure, above strength, so that we despaired even of life.

In this verse, despair came from pressure beyond measure. Paul and his companions were at an utter loss of how to escape the pressure coming against them. This led to despair, or despondency, which led them to question if they would survive. Depression will do this to us and if left unchecked may lead to considering suicide as the only way out.

Intro: First thing is to tell you I am not a therapist, counselor, or trained professionally, to treat depression. If you are going through depression to the point you think about ending your life, then call for help. Get professional intervention, even if it means calling 911 right now.

There are also suicide hotlines staffed by people trained to find help for you. The most important thing to do about suicidal thinking is to put off any plans you have to end your life and talk to someone, asking for their help. Don’t be shy or embarrassed to tell someone, your doctor, your friends, just someone what you’re considering concerning the ending of your life.

My experience with despair came about because I gave ‘too much thought’ to a culmination of circumstances. I was overcome with the effects of a violent childhood combined with a series of disappointments with GOD over a 2 year period. This happened in 1985 when I was 30 years old. Once depression set in, it didn’t take long before I sought relief by planning my suicide.

On a side note, I have lived 38 years beyond the time I nearly ended my life. I have had my share of ups and downs since coming so close to death, but life has been worth it. I nearly missed out on the years since, spent with my children, watching them grow up, getting married, having children of their own, and then spending time with those grandchildren. I have camped with them, rode motorcycles, traveled across this country, climbed mountains and rappelled 400’ cliffs, and skydived with one or the others.

And I could have missed it all… they would have missed it all… if I had taken my life as planned. Now, when in deep depression it is hard to feel much in the way of having energy or being able to make the changes necessary to survive. This is where having someone come to your rescue is needed. More on this in a moment.

Listen, depression is common among GOD’s people – even throughout the Biblical record. All people have ups and downs emotionally and the down times affect our mental state. Depression is a normal result of a loss of hope, of feeling overwhelmed.

About despair – according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, it means to lose all hope or confidence – an utter loss of hope – and a feeling of complete hopelessness.

When despair sets in and you don’t deal effectively with it, this normally leads to depression. And depression, if it’s chronic and becomes serious enough, will lead to thoughts of suicide, known as suicide ideation.

This is when you may start looking at suicide as the only way out. When it happened to me and I made the decision to end my life, I felt better believing the indescribable misery of hopelessness would finally end. If you are this way, your life is in danger.

Devotion focus: Depression –when it’s a loss of hope -

Hope is an underrated necessity for living well. An online source describes two aspects of hope, one passive, as in “I hope I win the lottery,” and the other active. Active hope is that our deliberate and enduring efforts will result in a positive outcome. Again, this is active. And this is what we want. Whereas, passive hope is easily hijacked by circumstances beyond our control. Maintaining active hope depends largely on us, although ongoing negative circumstances can wreck our best efforts to keep hope alive.

So, if hope is a safeguard against depression, how do we protect this hope; just as important, if we lose hope, how do we regain it?

To protect our hope it is crucial that the reasons, the foundations, of our hope are on rock-solid ground. This is where the Word of GOD is all important. I learned the hard way not to fool around with my commitment to Bible reading and study. And just as important is the application of Bible commands and principles.

In the four Gospels alone, there is enough instruction from Jesus to keep us occupied for a lifetime. Jesus went through enough negative circumstances that besides being the Son of GOD, as a man he weathered frustrations with stubborn, heartless disciples, a religious system bent on killing him, being used by the crowds, the heart-wrenching betrayal of someone close to him and finally having the crowd turn on Him. The very people He came to save called out for His death and chose a criminal over Jesus when the governor sought to release Jesus.

All this to give credence to Jesus’s teachings and understand the importance of obeying Jesus’s commands and following His principles for living. Now, does this mean life will be easy for someone committed to obeying the Word of GOD in every circumstance? Of course not. But the benefit is obedience to GOD leads to confident living, of the peace that comes with being loved of GOD. This gives us every reason to have hope, the hope that comes with being accepted by GOD based on the life and death of His Son.

Now, when we lose hope and become overwhelmed by the demands of life and depression sets in, it is very difficult to regain that lost hope. During the time after I made the decision to die and looked for the opportunity each and every day, I no longer cared if things got better. I was convinced I was a burden to my family and that they would be better off without me. This was and is a satanic lie from the pit of hell. But at the time I accepted that lie because I was trapped in living by the feelings I suffered.

I also had a deep self-hatred going on and didn’t know my self-talk was so toxic. Feeling worthless as I did, I thought it normal to say things against myself. Doing this contributed to a downward spiral into darkness. It would be years later before I learned the danger of such toxic thinking.

I hesitate to tell how I survived because survival is different for each one of us when on the verge of killing ourselves. I will say it took a change in the kind of work I was doing at the time. Because I felt trapped by a good-paying job I hated, I didn’t think it was okay to take a lower-paying job that I would enjoy. To do this felt like just another failure.

But as I sat on my motorcycle one day after work, high on a hill after I pulled off the road and looked out over the countryside, I pondered making a change in careers and thought ‘how much of a failure is killing myself compared to changing  jobs?’ A surge of hope sparked through me thinking about a new job I always wanted to do, even though it meant a $27,000 per year pay cut, from $42,000 the year before, to $15,000 at the new job. This was a huge difference in 1985.

I decided then and there to postpone taking my life and see if changing jobs would make a difference. The fact I’m still here speaks to the outcome. Now, if you’re considering ending your life, it may take something different for you, something other than changing jobs. For men, we get so much of our identity from our work, and not only identity but also a sense of worth, this is why it helped me. But for you, this is where finding someone to talk to helps with gaining a healthy perspective. I didn’t talk to anyone about what I was thinking, much less planning, and this was because of the stigma associated with suicide. And because I went through it alone I nearly lost my life.

Now the job change was a beginning that GOD chose for me. He will choose a way out if we will trust Him, and seek professional help. It’s like this: I trust GOD when I drive in traffic, but still, wear my seatbelt. The point is we have to do our part, as difficult as it may be, to resist killing ourselves and escape the satanic lie that we are only worthy of death. Also, it is a lie that death is the only answer to our pain. Resist the lie. The hardest part is making the decision to change something, and then making the first call, or walking through the door to a treatment facility. Listen, it is the decision and the call, and the door to freedom.

Summary: Depression is a common affliction among all people that comes from living in a sin-infected world. Hope is the guard against it, therefore it is so important to protect the hope we have. We protect our hope by living according to Biblical commands and principles given to us by GOD for our benefit.

When we lose hope, going back to Scripture and getting help through counseling is the way to regain lost hope. It is not an easy task to get our hope back when we’re depressed, but it is possible and it starts with the decision to take whatever steps are necessary to become hopeful and by this mental strong once more. The work is worth doing because, regardless of how you may feel right now, you are worth it.

Action to consider:

Read and memorize what Jesus declared to you in John 15:9 – "As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love.”

Next week’s devotion: Effects of Salvation